graduation

The Army made me get up at 6 this morning for a dentist appointment in Clark, SD, home of about two people. Three people this morning I guess since I was there. Anyway on the ceiling above the chair there was this poster with two beaver-like creatures spooning and it said "All You Need Is Love." I can't decide what John would have thought of that. I think 1970 John would have screamed curses at it, but 1980 John might have laughed. At any rate it made me depressed for the rest of the day. I want to be him. But I can't think of any person I resemble less. And that pisses me off. I don't think he would have approved of spending thousands and thousands of dollars on grad school. He would have said "f&%* it" and done his own thing, because art shouldn't be about spending money you don't have to pay self-proclaimed professionals to tell you how to make your own music.

I heard an interview with John once that went something like this (ineloquently paraphrased):
Interviewer: What do you think of George Harrison as a guitarist?
John: He's all right, you know. He can figure out some great parts but he's held back by something. He's never been able to let go and scream.

And that's it. That is IT. I hate guaging music by the dexterity of my fingers. It's not the point, damn it all, and it makes me feel like I have nothing to offer which is bullshit. I wish I had John's ability to let go and be refreshingly genuine enough for people to take notice. I think someone like John who can give the whole world an honest window into their own humanity comes along once in about three hundred lifetimes. And his time was cut short because of some poor, wretched, depressed man who wanted so badly to be noticed that he'd kill the dreams of thousands of people just to turn some heads in his direction.

This world is messed up. And I clearly haven't had enough coffee today.