confessions

I hate that I suck at jazz.

Once, when I was a freshman, I went to a prison ministries meeting. Just one. I got emails about it all year but I never went back. I still feel guilty about it.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm wasting my time.

Sometimes, I wonder how anyone survives in a non-arts career.

Sometimes, I think that if I hear one more person play that EFFING "making my way downtown" vanessa carlton song on piano in the music building I am going to change my major to environmental biology.

Mostly, I want to feel like I'm doing something worthwhile. I wish I wasn't just one of millions of bloodthirsty Americans obsessed with filling boxes full of shit. I hate feeling cliche. I hate feeling generic. I hate feeling guilty. I hate how much I love watching Friends and how much of pile I feel like right now. I hate that I complain about being hosed by the bitches at Wal-Mart like every two seconds but really I don't mind the idea of sitting around at home all summer staring at a screen, because then I don't have to deal with people and capitalism and new Beatles t-shirts that oh my WORD I just have to buy before... you know, my other 19.3 Beatles t-shirts get coffee stains on them...

I'm really not feeling as angsty as this sounds. Mostly I'm just pissed because I know I have to get up and run tomorrow morning.

Two more days of class....