euclid

pretty sure the concert last night was the most amazing thing i've seen in a very, very long time. holy. hannah. i don't think i breathed for pretty much the whole two hours. after the concert was over i was completely exhausted: physically, intellectually and emotionally. i felt either like sleeping or like crying. or practicing violin for the rest of my LIFE until i can make music like that.
if somehow on this earth i ever reached that level of performance, i don't think i would find enough energy to make it through the day.
it's so completely different to hear a recording of wonderful music than to hear it live. it's amazing how much physical movement can add to a performance. watching the four of them move together with so much passion for each phrase, each nuance, each cadence, each intense buildup, each resolution was so powerful - something that is definitely missing at my level of performance.

i have to tell this story, so deal with it. so right before intermission while the audience was clapping wildly, jacob (my fearless maestro de violin) saw me in the crowd and definitely winked/nodded in my direction. forgive my girlish giddiness, but it definitely made me feel like i was famous. except after watching him play it makes me feel like two inches tall to think that i've actually been violining in the same room as this man for over a year and with my "abilities" compared to his, i rather feel like i'm wasting his time.

as much as i heart northwestern, there are definitely days when i wish i had chosen to go to a music school. i'm glad i'm here and i'm pretty sure this is where i'm supposed to be. i LOVE my community, my profs, the Christ-centeredness, the caf (just kidding!). but i do NOT love the orchestra program. when i chose to go here i wasn't interested in performance as a career. but now...well, it's rather difficult to develop my skillz outside solo performance. i would LOVE to be in a string quartet. i would LOVE to be in a full orchestra. that part might be partially remedied by the sioux city symphony, if i get in. there's also grad school to look forward to. of course, that presents a bigger problem - i really don't want to go to grad school around here. i want to head east - maybe eastman? unfortunately, that's a rather long drive to my guard unit in mitchell. and my enlistment lasts at the very least two years after i graduate nwc, assuming i don't have to be here for five years in order to graduate. which i probably will anyway. this is SO frustrating, because i know i couldn't afford this school, or any private music school, without military tuition benefits. i'm getting so much money for doing what i love: playing music. too bad it's for horn and not violin.

on a happy note, the new paul mccartney cd, chaos and creation in the backyard, is the polar opposite of disappointing.