inner man unleashed

so today was our second "learn how to play the violin" day in string methods class. this old guy, mr. vander-something? is our guest violin instructor. nice guy, so i've heard. anyway. he doesn't seem to understand differences of opinion among violinists - in other words, my private instructor's ideas about certain aspects of technique are different from his. but anyway, he's showing the class what i'm doing "wrong" with how i've been working to change my bow hold for the past year or so, and he refers to me as "she." then he gets this panicky look on his face and says, "wait, are you a he or a she?"

now, i know that i'm not known for my excessively feminine apparel. i'm not much for pink frilly things and tight butt-clinging pants and the like. but i do like to think that with a combination of my (i'm keeping this g-rated, for the protection of any innocent male-types) b**bs, relatively non-manly face and hair, abundance of ribbony/bangly bracelets, etc etc, that one could at first glance conclude with reasonable certainty that i in fact have no y chromosome. i also like to think that the majority of people would have the tact to, if they really just couldn't tell what sex i am, ask either someone else or myself outside of class rather than in front of a room full of college kids (okay, a room full of candi, jenna, anthony and danielle. but they can get pretty vicious sometimes...) but no matter. i am attempting with some success to find it funny rather than insulting.

but then, this got me thinking. maybe i have an inner man that's just waiting to be unleashed. i mean, come on, i shop in the guys' section at old navy for pants. i AM a second alto in choir. i've been through basic training. what a ponderance. if there IS a man that's been trapped somewhere inside my psyche, i would like to think that he would be maybe australian, and have a name like claude or augusto. larissa and i used to joke last year that since neither of us ever has success finding dates to dances, i should just throw a suit on and be her date. my name was supposed to be ben. maybe i should let ben out every once and awhile. you know, race some cars, tackle some homies, wrestle some squirrels. who knows, maybe it's the element my life's been missing all these years.