"Ever notice how you don't feel the thorns in your feet until you stop running?"

I'm not sure why creating change necessitates being far from home. I don't know if feelings of helplessness come from inside or outside, or both. I'm falling back into something I don't want to fall back into.

My ideals aren't my own. They're pieces of other people's long-developed passion that I've pirated to make myself feel more worthwhile. The question is, can they be made personal to me? Or in time, will they wither and die, leaving me an older and fatter version of who I was before I went to college?

Also, is it possible to integrate revolutionary ideas into everyday life? It's one thing to believe in change, to believe in a higher purpose, to talk about seeking out the end of war and the beginning of equality, to bounce around philosophies and religions - but it's something completely different and more daunting to figure out how to piece that together with boring, everyday life.

Mostly I'm not living. I spend my time passing time, doing activities instead of actually being active.

I want to find where self worth comes from. If nothing else, that is my life's goal.