emo post #12342

i would like to take this opportunity to ask the question: WHY am i a performance major? what am i thinking?
(p.s. if you don't feel like hearing me whine, please don't read this...)

yeah. i can't even play in front of a room of like ten of my friends without sucking. i have had this fugue for months. MONTHS. i played today like i was trying and failing to sightread it. it was TERRIBLE. ARGH. what am i doing? what does it matter what progress i make in the practice room if it has absolutely no impact on an actual performance?

what am i going to do on parents' weekend concert when i have to play in front of a chapel full of people? how on earth am i going to get through this without strangling myself?

what is music anyway? what does it matter? why am i wasting my life on this? i am embarrassed at the amount of time i spend practicing, and how apparently little affect it's had on my actual ability. it is literally humiliating. if there is an actual reason for me rotting away in a practice room for hours a day, please, for the love of george, john and paul, i'm praying that God will reveal it to me. because quite frankly, i am sick of not seeing any fruits of my labor.

EMO. gnar. i apologize.