For those of you who have not heard: John Hodgman is a GENIUS. This is from his book, The Areas of My Expertise. Enjoy.

"The Limits of Children"

I have learned that newborn infants roll their eyes around and move their heads and their arms in short jerky spasms. And if you homeschool them, they will stay this way forever. But this makes it difficult to train them in fencing or bartending or any of the other great defensive arts.

When I say that Hodgmina [my daughter] is brilliant, and when I tell people about her guest sermon last Sunday at St. John teh Divine, and her surprising skills at badminton, people want to know: is she a child prodigy?
I reply: I hope not. There is too much pressure put on children. They should have time to explore and enjoy the world as children, and not be forced into the highly competitive badminton circuit. Unless the child really wants that, and has signaled as much by crying or pooping.

Basically, it comes down to this: Child prodigies are fine, but I could do without all the violins. If you have ever been alone at night in Penn Station, barefoot, with only a sword cane and a half-empty bottle of brandy, and suddenly, swiftly, with ninja-like stealth, a group of child prodigies surrounds you, rattling their violin cases, you will know what I am talking about.

...It is hard to find fishing waders or a suit of armor that will fit a four-mounth-old human child.
Luckily, children love hand-me-downs. You can give them all the clothing that you don't wear anymore, like your dickey. )Althought the fact in this case is that I rarely wore my dickey, and I had often found myself wondering why I ever bought it.) But now it is hers, like so many of my old shirts and hats and daggers and cuff links. Hodgmina loves the cuff links, especially after I taught her how exciting it is to put two or three in your mouth and run around the living room.

But it's not just clothes. You can also give children other things you don't have use for anymore, such as your kerosene lanterns, most of your belts, whatever residual knowledge you may have of French literary theory, and your optimism. I used to believe, for example, that you had to spend money to make money. This is obviously not true. But now, Hodgmina believes it. And I find this to be charming.

Hodgmina was just saying it the other day, and I was quite moved. I looked into her eyes as they rolled around in her head and said, "Hodgmina, you are a dreamer. Keep dreaming! For the sake of our planet's future, I hope you never lose your childlike idealism. But at the same time, I hope it does not get in my way.