Subbing has been fun, actually. There have been moments when the thought crosses my mind that I could actually do this for a living - teach music, I mean. In a school. I like the kids. I like having something important to give them. Then I remember why I can't do it. It BREAKS MY HEART to give fifteen minute lessons. I have a constant feeling of being interrupted, like I never get to finish a thought, like I can never quite say what I want to say because by the time we get in a proper warm-up there are three minutes left before the student has to go back to class. It kills me. Especially when the student WANTS to learn, WANTS more time, but can't get it. GAHHHHHHH. But then, teaching privately isn't quite right either. It breaks my heart just as much to HAVE the proper amount of time and resources for a lesson, but half the time it's like pulling teeth to get the kid to practice. Or they sit there with an attitude and don't want to take my advice. They don't know how lucky they are (just like I didn't know how lucky I was) to have parents supportive enough, and wealthy enough, to finance their music education, and they take it for granted.

I guess I just have to believe that whatever musical seeds I'm planting will grow into something good in the end, even if I won't see it happen.

Something else I've learned: I am NOT cut out to teach beginners. It is so unnatural for me. And no way do I have the patience. Some days I think that if I see one more kid pick his nose and then play the piano with the same fingers I will surely vomit on the buggary keys.